Life

I know this blog has gone by the wayside since I went to school, to be honest I haven't really been listening to much new stuff.

I feel like so much has happened since the day I left for college, this year, my last year. On that day I just had this watershed moment of self-realization and reassessment of everything I've taken for granted in my entire life. It was like waking up from a dream, or lifting a curse, or stepping into a different reality.

Since then I've come to realize that the only motivation I've had my entire life has been to avoid being considered the worst. Music for me has always been this wonderful thing, an escape. I definitely have held back a part of myself for a really long time, and to some extent I have perpetually felt alone. Music will always be your friend, and it will always understand you.

But at the same time, music was also its own source of stress. I hate the whole hipster music culture, where music taste becomes this competition. Music, this part of my soul, felt like yet another opportunity to be judged lacking.

Coming over this hump, living the life of what feels like an entirely different person, I've lost that motivation and fear of failure in many areas of my life, including music. What used to give me motivation to follow music blogs and stay on top of new music, now leaves me untouched.

I need to create new motivations to do things. This is part of that--doing things for myself.